Monday, August 31, 2009

In 5, 4, 3, 2....

Eight months down, four months to go…. And why am I counting in the first place? I have no idea. Just feel like counting. Counting makes the time pass too quickly or too slowly, and it’s a total waste of effort. It’s like chewing bubble gum. I don’t want this to be a sign of post-traumatic stress for the incoming two-seven in five days. It shouldn’t matter because I already felt the number the moment 2009 started.

Anyway, it’s the last day of the month of August. Our dance workshop is already coming to a close, we will have our last two sessions for the Poppin’ class this week and I’m already missing it. Jazz Funk already finished last week, but I hope they’ll still offer classes on Saturdays. Wish there will be another workshop next month. I need a distraction, aside from work. It’s still not enough. Actually, I need something… something to keep me going… ah, I need vitamins. Naubusan na ko last week. More energy, mas happy :P

Or maybe, I need to get back to the things I’ve left behind. I already went back to climbing. Sketching perhaps? Writing again. Making up half-baked stories that will go nowhere. I wonder where my old ones went to… I just need something to get me going. I’ll still keep on taking hiphop lessons, and maybe enroll in a jazz dance class, who knows? I just NEED something.

Ergo, I made a deal with myself and with Flori (if not with the Devil, lol) sealing it with an unseen drug-induced iced tea: I have until September 5, 2009 at 10:40 in the evening (Manila time) to stop this nonsense I’m going through. To dispel this unknown restlessness. To let go of things that has kept me from taking the next step. To just be. I have drawn a line. A boundary. A limit. I’m only human after all. And my EQ level’s not as spectacular as anyone might think.

So there, Fate. Your turn to draw your cards. Got nothing else in me, but the aces. Only the aces.



Saturday, August 1, 2009

What we really wanna do



Imagine, it's been a month since I last posted that I'll be broke in 2 weeks from that time... but nope. Not really. I didn't get to buy what I want, decided to wait for my birthday (which is a month away) ... so I bought 2 sets of shoes. Well, it's less than half of what I was supposed to shell out for the iTouch gadget I'm salivating for. But with the activities I've been into these days, feels like I bought one anyway. I am having fun though, and that's what matters the most.

I enrolled for a dance workshop this month of August for Jazz Funk and Poppin' sessions. It's funny that I get to do things that I wanted at this age. Then again, it's never too late. I wonder, what kind of life would I have if I had the chance to do this at a young age? Would I have that same passion and excitement as I have right now every time I enter the studio where we take classes? Every decision made, step forward and back link everything that went on with my life which got me to here. I wonder, would I have been better off without those opportunities? Yet, opportunities I could not afford to want. I had an excuse then, what's my excuse now?

I remember this one comment my brother made the other night (which is the second time in this lifetime that I heard from him) while we were watching an advertisement of Milo Sports Clinic for basketball, with him asking why he never had the chance to join that when he was younger? He answered his own question anyway: because we never had that much money then to afford such things. It's one of his frustrations, and probably as well as mine, that we never had the chance to join extra-curricular activities of our interest because we didn't have the extra money to shell out. But it never occured to me to blame my parents for this, because we already understood at a very young age that we couldn't afford to splurge. We weren't really poor, just below the thin line of making ends meet. I think it never occured to my brother to blame them, as well. Maybe he's just feeling regretful why he never thought of making an extra effort to pursue those things. Now, Kuya's a Sports Science graduate, a certified pilates instructor and assistant coach to a cheerleading squad of a prominent university. I wonder, did our frugal state then somehow gave a hand in his exceptional situation right now? Does he really want to dwell on regretting over something he never had the chance to do years ago?

I told him, just for the heck of it, why won't he enroll into one of those clinics right now, since he has more than enough money of his own to pay for the fee. With ego bruised, he replied that he'd rather coach a basketball team than join the clinic. He is capable of that, no doubt about it. My comment irked him, to my satisfaction. And our attention was swept away yet again by a distraction called TV. As accomplished as he is right now, he can be so thickheaded sometimes.