Happey-ness is...

Happiness runs in a circular motion
Thought is like a little boat upon the sea
Everybody is a part of everything anyway
You can have everything if you let yourself be...

This tune suddenly popped up in my head out of nowhere. I'm suddenly reminded of my Kindergarten days when everything was just simple, fun, and carefree. When my only problems were which crayon to use to make a tree look like a tree, memorizing my ABCs, and trying to keep quiet when nap time comes. No bills to worry about, no love life to brood over, no guilty conscience nagging at the back of my head about inconsequential issues: just a clean slate with this uncontrollable excitement of filling it up with whatever stuff that cropped up in my head. Can’t say that I like what I’m seeing in my slate right now, but it’s too early to tell. I’m not even halfway there, yet.

What I don’t miss at all is drawing those squiggly loops across the blue and red lines. That's a memory I can't seem to forget because my teacher kept on "insisting" I write with my right hand when I'm naturally inclined to use my left, which warranted me an extra hour on the table while the other kids were already across the room seated on the floor as our dear teacher read them a story before nappy time. I just hope that incident didn't cause any psychological instability inside my head. But it’s too late now, is it not? Harhar.

Now, why the nostalgia? I have no freaking idea. I think this tune was trying to remind me to get back into focus. Keep things simple. Don’t overanalyze. Whatever I’m going through right now is supposed to be like it is, just row the boat and try not to topple over. And I don’t even know what that means.

So yes, it is better that I not overanalyze. It’ll just make me go crazy. I’ll just focus on the goal, one day at a time, and yet peering across the horizon so as not to lose sight of the goal. I can see it now, and I’m no Superman but I can see it clearly right across from a thousand miles away. Okay maybe a hundred. See? I got back my positivity.

Right now, I’m satisfying my little spurts of joy. In two weeks time I’ll be making a kinda major decision (since it concerns a hefty bulk of my monthly salary). What can I say, gadgets make me go blind. And I go along with my tekkie generation to the hilt, as much as I can manage. I’m a material girl, so sue me. Girls just want to have fun.

Oh God, I’m gonna get broke in two weeks.

Mid-year crisis

Trivia: Rose as June's month flower

The month of marriages, commitments, ‘til death do us parts. Named after the Roman Goddess Juno (her equivalent Hera in Greek), the deity ruling over marriage and the family household. Whoever gets married in this month gets lucky, they say. Or probably because it has the almost perfect weather for getting married. Not so much in this part of the world though (it actually rained just minutes ago), thanks to the overpowering changes due to global warming.

I have mixed feelings for this month, usually because it’s the start of classes and the end of summer days. It’s a love-hate relationship. Be that as it may, another thing that tells us about June is it’s the middle of the year already. That fast? Damn it. I still haven’t put down this Santa Claus musical toy hanging on our light switch. Although now I can safely say goodbye to summer, thanks to my April escapades (but the sand and the sea are always welcoming changes all year round). So that’s half a year already, and a quarter away from my birthday. I honestly feel I didn’t have to go through that ordeal since I already feel twenty-*toot* years older. It more than reminds me also that I am nearing at the edge of the precipice of the big three-oh. What’s the significance? Oh nothing really. Just that I’ve gone past the mid-midlife crisis and is now pushing through what-the-hell-am-I-doing-in-my-life catastrophe. Like it matters. Yep, definitely no significance whatsoever. HALP.

But that’s negativity talking here. What’s wrong with pushing 30? When all the people you know are getting married, going out of the country, buying their own houses, driving their own cars, raising kids, paying the bills, changing diapers, paying tuition fees, getting the Nobel prize, while I, on the other hand, is writing this blog? Hahahah! Yeahhhhh. Solitary bliss rocks. Uhuh-uhuh. Tsss.

But I’m happy, momentarily. It’s not something that comes by easily but when it comes, I’m happy that I’m happy. But I’m not content. Never, not yet. Could that be possible? Yes, I’m living proof. I can be happy for so many things. But contentment is harder to get by compared to happiness. My purpose in life still eludes me. But when the time comes that I have both, that’s nirvana. Right now I’m playing around 70 in my karma (see Plurk). It’s a good thing my happiness can be compared to the shallowness of a post-shower puddle, and my contentment dips way down to the unfathomable pit of the Pacific Ocean. So I can safely say that I still have spurts of positivity in my ever mundane psyche. In short, I’m a very normal human being… with simple expectations that could shoot down the moon.

So, the mantra of this lifetime: strive, strive, strive to be happy. Who would have thought? Desiderata still is ingrained in me after all, thanks to CAT.


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June definition: comes from Wikipedia.
Rose image from this link here